How to Stop Negativity from Dominating Your Daily Thoughts
By Merilee Kern, MBA
We’ve all been there, mired in the throes of pessimism when life just doesn’t seem to be going our way. For the lucky ones, this entirely natural—though disconcerting—feeling ebbs and flows, ultimately dissolving into a more balanced, healthier state of mind. For hapless others, the extreme negative thoughts and ideation can overwhelm—even becoming “who they are.” At worst, it can be deadly, as one peer-reviewed study found that “people who are strongly pessimistic about the future are at greater risk of dying earlier than those who are not pessimists.”
It turns out that we might be built for negativity, making us our own worst enemy. This research casts doubt on the so-called “optimism bias,” debunking the notion that people inherently “see” life “through rose-tinted glasses. The unfortunate result of our collective penchant for pessimism apparently creates opportunity loss relative to our life span, as another study found optimism to be associated with “exceptional longevity.”
Negative thoughts and chronic pessimism can stem from many things far beyond the stressors we’re living in at the moment, including self-destructive patterns and even unresolved childhood experiences and traumas that evolve to inform perceptions and impede personal growth.
According to Transformational Guide Jaime B. Haas, there are numerous reasons why you can’t stop thinking negative thoughts about who you are, your ability to get what you want out of life, and how capable you are at achieving your goals. Haas’ top 4 are as follows:
- Fears or Limiting Beliefs
Fears or limiting beliefs keep you stuck. To kick off the work, you will need to identify and then reprogram any existing negative belief patterns by replacing them with positive and affirming thoughts and actions. You’ll also be challenged to stop listening to the voices in your head telling you about yourself, leading to your misperception of the world. It is about reprogramming your mind for the better by thinking and behaving in ways that create a more positive, loving way of seeing yourself and the world. In other words, do you build yourself up or beat yourself up? When you detach from negative thoughts, you will be able to cultivate more joy, envision more or greater possibilities for your life and be more present. It all starts with making small changes, such as in the way you talk to yourself and what you are taught to believe.
2. Negative Manifestation Compulsion (NMC)
Do you constantly criticize or judge yourself or others? If you were raised in a household where finding fault was common behavior, your brain was likely programmed to interpret your negative thoughts as literal truths. When you begin to question the source of these false “truths,” you start to engage in rituals, behaviors, and actions to create a different experience.
“The transformation begins when you take positive action to stop living in old, critical belief systems,” Haas said. “My method helps you address the reasons why you might be holding on to negative thoughts. You will learn how to unpack them, which involves choosing to replace them with new, positive thoughts, reciting affirmations that resonate with your new experience, and showing up differently in your life.”
3. Your Perception of Self
If you are very harsh on yourself and focus on all your missed opportunities, weaknesses, and perceived flaws, you’re not alone. Research shows that struggling with, arguing with, trying to drown out, or push away negative thoughts about yourself only amplifies the problems and makes them worse. The dilemma is not that we have negative thoughts, it comes when we begin to believe those thoughts and cannot evolve. It’s about building self-love from within.
“It’s a multi-faceted process that involves finding your feelings, affirming the good about yourself, practicing meditation and self-care, showing up present, authentic and honest in your life, and doing more things that bring you joy,” Haas said. “There is no quick fix or magic bullet. It is a holistic set of actions.”
4. Focusing on the Outside to Fix the Inside
“You are the greatest project you’ll ever work on,” Haas said. “But if you’ve done everything to change the outside from pursuing a degree, changing jobs and relocating to a new city; to fixing your body or changing your wardrobe, and you still haven’t gotten what you want in life, that means it’s time to look inward.”
When we seek external sources to validate our sense of self, we empower that thing or person outside to be the source of our identity and well-being.
“When we give all our power to other people to make us feel better about ourselves, we will never feel OK on our own,” Haas said. “We begin to crave that hit to fix us, or that crumb of love, attention, or affection to actually feed us, but it’s just a temporary fix. It’s never enough, or it never feels right, so we go back out on the hunt for the next hit, repeating patterns of behavior or thinking that don’t serve us.”
The work is about discovering, nurturing and excavating our wellbeing from within. In order to do that effectively, we must find a connection with an infinite power source so we are content, no matter what happens in, to, and around us externally.
Whatever the impetus, negative thoughts are fortunately reversible. In fact, according to the Mayo Clinic, turning pessimistic thoughts into positive ones might be easier than expected. While not complex, the process does require time, practice and patience—just as with establishing any new habit.
To continue with the car metaphor, perhaps addressing negative thinking is akin to an automobile inspection, such that you need to identify all of the problematic mechanisms keeping you trapped by your negative thoughts. Whatever is malfunctioning needs to be proactively addressed and wholly resolved to ensure safe passage ahead. Overall, pinpointing destructive patterns from our past just may be the “ignition key” that’ll fire up your optimism engine and help you journey toward the life you desire and deserve.
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Sources:
- https://www.scimex.org/newsfeed/pessimistic-outlook-on-life-linked-to-life-expectancy
- https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/new-research-casts-doubt-on-claims-that-people-have-rose-tinted-glasses/
- https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1900712116
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950
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About the Author: Merilee Kern, MBA is an internationally-regarded brand strategist and analyst who reports on noteworthy industry change makers, movers, shakers and innovators across all B2B and B2C categories. This includes field experts and thought leaders, brands, products, services, destinations and events. Merilee is Founder, Executive Editor and Producer of “The Luxe List” as well as Host of the “Savvy Ventures” business TV show that airs nationally on FOX Business TV and Bloomberg TV and the “Savvy Living” lifestyle TV show that airs in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Miami, Atlanta and other major markets on CBS, FOX and other top networks. As a prolific business and consumer trends, lifestyle and leisure industry voice of authority and tastemaker, she keeps her finger on the pulse of the marketplace in search of new and innovative must-haves and exemplary experiences at all price points, from the affordable to the extreme—also delving into the minds behind the brands. Her work reaches multi-millions worldwide via broadcast TV (her own shows and copious others on which she appears) as well as a myriad of print and online publications. Connect with her at www.TheLuxeList.com and www.SavvyLiving.tv / Instagram www.Instagram.com/MerileeKern / Twitter www.Twitter.com/MerileeKern / Facebook www.Facebook.com/MerileeKernOfficial / LinkedIN www.LinkedIn.com/in/MerileeKern.
