Do you ever "start fires" with your communication? Do people sometimes misunderstand you and call you "pushy?" Here is a rating quiz from my training workshop on one aspect of this subject to help you learn how to eliminate communication misfires and boost your interpersonal effectiveness.

The first step in learning to communicate with diplomacy and tact is to be aware of whether you are coming across in an aggressive way in your communication. Some people do it unknowingly. The aggressive style will earn you the reputation of being less than a tactful communicator and should therefore be avoided. Check off any of these verbal and non-verbal characteristics that describe you. If so, you might be coming across as too aggressive.

• Pointing, shaking finger
• Using a pencil or pen to direct others
• Frowning on a regular basis
• Rolling eyes as if disgusted or disapproving
• Holding eye contact longer than appropriate
• Using a rigid posture
• Keeping hands on hips
• Walking ahead of others
• Using a tone of voice that is loud or actually yelling
• Speaking at a fast, quick rate
• Putting others down, critical, belittling
• Thinking you can't ever be wrong
• Taking over the group on a regular basis
• Being bossy, pushy
• Moving into other people's space, overpowering
• Jumping on other's words and interrupting
• Having a know-it-all attitude
• Needing to always be the center of attention
• Being opinionated and not open to other's points of view
• Using other people's things without permission
• Being a poor listener
• Verbally using phrases like:
  • "You must, should, ought, better"
  • "You always (never)"
  • "That's a stupid thing to do."
  • "Everyone knows that."
  • "Don't ask why, just do it."
• Interrupting often, cutting people off in conversation
• Forcing your views on others
• Monopolizing discussions

Were you surprised that some of these could cause people to get the impression that you were being too aggressive? If you aren't sure if you exhibit any of these mannerisms, ask a friend to rate you.

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